I’ve compiled a list of interesting geeky quotes, enjoy!

[00] It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!

[01] The less command was doubtlessly inspired by the more command; less works more or less like more, but it has more features, which in this case disproves that less is more.

[02] The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.

[03] Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.

[04] The more I C, the less I see.

[05] COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.

[06] Unix is user-friendly. It’s just very selective about who its friends are.

[07] Windows is like bullies, the bigger they are; the harder they hit you.

[08] Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

[09] Microsoft is not the answer, it’s the question and the answer is NO!

[0A] Microsoft: You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.

[0B] Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code.

[0C] Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn’t leave something that can be traced back to you.

[0D] The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones.

[0E] Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.

[0F] The term reboot comes from the middle age (before computers). Horses who stopped in mid-stride required a boot to the rear to start again. Thus the term to rear-boot, later abbreviated into reboot.

[10] There are 10 types of people in the world: “Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.”

[11] If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.

[12] Linus Torvalds: Real men don’t use backups; they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.

[13] I owe the government $3,400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.

[14] The box said ‘Required Windows 95 or better’. So, I installed LINUX.

[15] Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows.

[16] Better to be a geek than an idiot.

[17] I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

[18] 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

[19] The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s².

[1A] I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly.

[1B] My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

[1C] It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.

[1D] I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: ‘Outlook not so good’. I said: ‘Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway’.

[1E] The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.

[1F] If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough.

[20] If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise.

[21] One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

[22] If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0

[23] The most important ways in which I think the Internet will affect the big issue is that it will make it more difficult for government to collect taxes.

[24] On my income tax 1040 it says ‘Check this box if you are blind.’ I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

[25] Because you’re a computer scientists, you have no need to go to the college bar.

[26] My pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard, and they’re like you wanna trade cards? Darn right, I wanna trade cards, I’ll trade this but not my charizard.

[27] The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.

[28] Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you.

[29] In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

[2A] Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk.

[2B] Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…

[2C] Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly.

[2D] UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

[2E] Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.

[2F] You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.

[30] Alcohol & calculus don’t mix. Never drink & derive.

[31] How do I set a laser printer to stun?

[32] Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button.

[33] It’s not bogus, it’s an IBM standard.

[34] Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers.

[35] The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers.

[36] COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key

[37] LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses

[38] We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

[39] Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted!

[3A] If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL

[3B] Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner!

[3C] Best file compression around: “rm *.*” = 100% compression

[3D] Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is “c:\> hack into fbi”

[3E] BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding

[3F] The name is Baud……James Baud

[40] Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!”

[41] All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

[42] Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

[43] Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources.

[44] Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONIKA.SYS

[45] A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)

[46] Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

[47] Bell Labs Unix — Reach out and grep someone.

[48] FUBAR – where Geeks go for a drink

[49] I degaussed my girlfriend and I’m just not attracted to her anymore.

[4A] Black holes are where God divided by zero.

[4B] Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost :-)

[4C] Here’s my IP address: ‘127.0.0.1′, please hack me :-D

[4D] If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I’d antialias my graphics!

[4E] Real programmers can write assembly code in any language!

[4F] All computers run at the same speed… with the power off.

[50] Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.

[51] Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel

[52] Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet

[53] You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes.

[54] I’m sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you!

[55] If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don’t understand the question.

[56] Having soundcards is nice… having embedded sound in web pages is not.

[57] As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.

[58] A typical yahoo chat room: “A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out..”

[59] When someone says “I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done,” give him a lollipop.

[5A] Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.

[5B] How’s my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL

[5C] Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls – my PC speaker crashed NT!!!

[5D] root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is ‘a_49qwXk’

[5E] New linux package released. Please install on /dev/null

[5F] Unix…best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038

[60] Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft…and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor!

[61] I’m tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week?

[62] It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions.

[63] If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery.

[64] Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle.

[65] I had a dream… and there were 1’s and 0’s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!

[66] You sir, are an unknown USB device driver!

[67] C isn’t that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void :-)

[68] People say that if you play Microsoft CD’s backwards, you hear satanic things, but that’s nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.

[69] Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

[6A] Use The Best…
Linux for Servers
Mac for Graphics
Palm for Mobility
Windows for Solitaire

[6B] That’s a PEBKAC problem. (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)

[6C] Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free.

[6D] A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.

[6E] I see fragged people.

[6F] Someone once said a million monkeys using a million keyboards could reproduce the complete works of William Shakespeare.

Thanks to MySpace, we now know that to be entirely false.

[70] Geeks = Know more about computers than their computer teacher, so everyone comes to them for computer problems.
Nerds = Have no life and only worries about school, no one talks to them.
Jocks = Know a lot about sports but not much else.
Geek’s Wife: Completely depend on the geek for tech support. Tend to be pretty good looking.
Nerd’s Wife: nonexistent
Jock’s Wife: only there for money, most likely having an affair with another jock

[71] SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0

[72] One of the most frightening things about your true nerd, for many people, is not that he’s socially inept – because everybody’s been there – but rather his complete lack of embarrassment about it.

[73] Insanity is repeating the same mistakes over and over again expecting different results.
windows fatal error 1001 file not found
windows fatal error 1001 file not found
windows fatal error 1001 file not found
windows fatal error 1001 file not found
windows fatal error 1001 file not found

[74] Photons have neither morals or visas.

[75] Real programmers don’t document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

[76] My computer beat me at chess, but I beat it at kickboxing.

[77] Geniuses do not think more than other people. They think less.

[78] Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

[79] Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.

[7A] Grabel’s Law: 2 is not equal to 3—not even for very large values of 2.

[7B] To err is human, to arr is pirate, stupidity is not a disability, find somewhere else to park!

[7C] A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

[7D] You are NOT what you eat… you are what you don’t poop.

[7E] Old programming adage: “Good programmers write good code; great programmers steal great code.”

[7F]

10 HOME
20 SWEET
30 GOTO 10