Dear Microsoft …

Tuesday, March 10th, 2009

Dear Microsoft

In reviewing our relationship over the past years, it occurs to me that I haven’t been falsely accused of being a thief enough lately. In that regard, rather than spending time, money, or energy developing new features or making the features you have work, I would greatly appreciate it if you could spend time making sure that I haven’t ripped you off.

If possible, it would be best if the new version of the anti-ripoff tool had as many false positives as possible. Also, I’d like it if the tool could be as large as possible and updated as frequently as possible. Finally, every time I download an update from you, including critical security updates, I should need to download a new version of the anti-ripoff tool.
My thinking here is that downloading updates from you isn’t difficult and painful enough, and I don’t yet feel enough of a need to get down on my knees and pray that your update process doesn’t foul up again. Also, the updates I have been downloading are just too darn small, and happen too darn fast.

Anyway, I know that you’ll do what’s right and invest the largest amount of money, time, and effort into the item with the smallest possible return, and the greatest possible annoyances for me, your customer.

Regards
Cecil

PS – I finally figured out all of the differences between the 8 different versions of Windows Vista, the 4 different versions of Office, and the 8 different versions of Windows Server 2008. This is very disappointing! You can do better than that, and I expect to see better from you soon! Why not 78 different editions of each OS and Office suite? That would be much better. I’d never figure out those differences unless I hire a consultant!

- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -

@Cecil, if you’re being falsely accused of having a pirated copy of XP, here’s a patch that will fix just that and stop that annoying WGA (Windows Genuine Advantage) popups: removeWGA. The alternative is Linux, any one of the gazillion distros.

Tags: Microsoft, WGA
Posted in Humor | 6 Comments »

Kill Internet Explorer 6 once and for all!

Wednesday, March 4th, 2009

Internet Explorer 6, your time is up, it’s time for you to return to the source! If you choose exile, beware of the consequences, you’ll be starved to death and there is nothing you can do about it! Moehahahaa!!!

Internet Explorer 6’s market share is rapidly dropping and that is definitely good news for web developers who’ve been slaving away to patch their code in order to fix all the bugs that are caused by the horrible Internet Explorer 6. Microsoft should be ashamed for releasing a browser that doesn’t adhere to standards, but that’s just typical of a monopoly, give a company a monopoly and they’ll stop caring about quality.

At the moment, Internet Explorer 6’s market share is below 20% and rapidly declining if you take a look at the Browser Version Market Share.

The question is, how can we kill it once and for all?

Google started a campaign to warn Internet Explorer 6 users (using Gmail) how crappy the browser really is and giving them an alternative in the form of a link where they can at least upgrade to Internet Explorer 7 (it’s still Internet Explorer, but it’s a million times better than its predecessor). Facebook is also giving users a big fat warning that the site might not work properly while using Internet Explorer 6 and also gives the user a list of supported browsers.

I believe something a bit more drastic will kill the browser once and for all, what if all webmasters suddenly decided that they are no longer going to load stylesheets or simply display anything if a user is using Internet Explorer 6?

That is exactly what I’m doing on this blog (and soon the rest of the site), if somebody is using Internet Explorer 6 or older, I give them a big fat warning saying:

ATTENTION: MyCee no longer supports old versions of Internet Explorer.
Please upgrade your browser or switch to something better, like Firefox, Opera or Chrome.

Also, I don’t load any stylesheets when a person is using Internet Explorer 6, if they want to be stuck in the stone-age, using tools from the stone-age, then let them view the web as if they were in the stone-age.

It’s really simple to exclude stylesheets from loading in Internet Explorer 6 by simply using their own proprietary feature called conditional comments:

<!--[if gt IE 6]><!-->
<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="../base.css" />
<!--<![endif]-->

Anything you want excluded in Internet Explorer 6, simply put it between

<!--[if gt IE 6]><!-->

and

<!--<![endif]-->

Anything you want exclusively displayed in Internet Explorer 6 or older versions, simply put it between

<!--[if lte IE 6]>

and

<![endif]-->

(lt means less than, lte means less than or equal, gt means greater than, gte means greater than or equal, if you remove the gt, gte, lt, lte, it becomes a simple equal to)

Let’s take the big red attention notice from above for example:

<!--[if lte IE 6]><h2 style="color: red;">ATTENTION: MyCee no longer supports old versions of Internet Explorer.<br />Please upgrade your browser or switch to something better, like <a href="http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/">Firefox</a>, <a href="http://www.opera.com/download/">Opera</a> or <a href="http://www.google.com/chrome">Chrome</a>.</h2><![endif]-->

The only way to kill Internet Explorer 6 once and for all, is simply to refuse coding for it, not loading any stylesheets when the browser is Internet Explorer 6 or older and to warn the user that Internet Explorer 6 is rubbish while giving the user some links to decent browsers.

If you really want to be nasty, how about warning the person that Internet Explorer 6 is rubbish (on the entry page) and then crashing his browser (and maybe even computer) if the user ignores the warning (and continue to browse beyond the entry page). Here’s a piece of code that will do exactly that (haven’t tested it on browsers older than IE6):

<html>
  <head>
    <title>Crash IE6</title>
  </head>
  <body>
    <!--[if lte IE 6]>
      <style>*{position:relative}</style><table><input></table>
    <![endif]-->
  </body>
</html>

I’m proudly Internet Explorer 6 non-compliant, are you? (leave me a comment with a link to your site if you’re supporting the cause)

Only when we all work together, can we destroy Internet Explorer 6’s market share and take revenge for the injustice done to humanity and lack of technological advancement due to developers having to waste countless hours patching code for Internet Explorer 6.

Byebye Internet Explorer 6, hope you burn for what you did!

Tags: IE6, Internet Explorer 6, Microsoft
Posted in Humor, Techno Blabble, info | 20 Comments »

Microsoft Pay-Per-Use Patent

Friday, January 2nd, 2009

Microsoft or Micro$oft as we all know them are always on the lookout for new ways to quickly make a few bucks. Their latest patent consists of trying to turn users into a constant stream of income by making them pay everytime they use a “Microsoft PC” with the cost being calculated based on the amount of performance you use and other factors with the only advantage being that the PC you’re getting is subsidized.

Claims (from the filed patent no 20080319910):

1. A method of operating a computer with scalable performance comprising:presenting a catalog of options related to scalable performance of the pay-per-use computer; presenting a price associated with each of the options; receiving a selection of an option from the catalog of options; calculating a total price of operation of the computer corresponding to the selection of the option; configuring the computer to operate in accordance with the selection of the option; andaccumulating charges for operation of the computer according to the total price.

2. The method of claim 1, wherein presenting the catalog comprises presenting a set of operating characteristics with a range of selectable performance settings for each element of the set of operating characteristics.

3. The method of claim 1, wherein presenting the catalog comprises presenting a preset package of scalable performance settings corresponding to a task or activity.

4. The method of claim 1, further comprising downloading the catalog to a secure memory in the computer.

5. The method of claim 1, wherein accumulating charges for operation comprises accumulating charges at one of a fixed rate per time period, a one time charge, and a rate corresponding to use of a scalable performance resource in the computer.

6. The method of claim 1, wherein calculating a total price comprises: presenting a price associated with each respective element of a set of scalable performance settings; and adjusting the price associated with an element of the set of scalable performance levels when a setting is adjusted to a new performance level.

7. The method of claim 1, wherein calculating the total price of operation of the computer comprises calculating a total price of operation of the computer based on a current usage level without regard to the selection of an option from the catalog of options.

8. A computer adapted for monitored operation comprising:a user interface; a plurality of components, each of the plurality of components capable of operating over a range of performance levels and each of the plurality of components comprising a metering agent; and a security module coupled to the metering agent in each of the plurality of components, the security module comprising: a secure memory storing the range of performance levels for each of the plurality of components; and a processor for supplying a data corresponding to the range of performance levels and a current performance level for each of the plurality of components, the data for display on the user interface responsive to a request to reprogram the current performance level for one or more of the plurality of components to a different performance level.

9. The computer of claim 8, wherein the security module further comprises a cryptographic unit for creating and verifying digital signatures corresponding to setting the current performance level.

10. The computer of claim 8, wherein each metering agent comprises a cryptographic function and at least a public key for verifying digital signatures corresponding to setting a current performance level in one or more of the plurality of components.

11. The computer of claim 8, wherein each of the plurality of components comprises a memory storing its respective range of performance capabilities.

12. The computer of claim 11, wherein each of the plurality of components further comprises a communication capability between the memory, the metering agent, and the security module.

13. The computer of claim 8, further comprising a value manager for calculating a value corresponding to each currently selected performance capability for each of the plurality of components.

14. The computer of claim 8, further comprising a balance manager that reports a current stored value for display on the user interface.

15. The computer of claim 8, wherein the secure memory further stores a pre-determined setting defining a combination of performance levels corresponding to a task.

16. A computer-readable medium having computer-executable instructions for implementing a method of receiving user input corresponding to selection of a performance level for an electronic device having a range of available performance levels, comprising: a storage module for storing a range of available performance levels for one or more components capable of operation over a range of performance levels; a display module for displaying the range of available performance levels for the one or more components; a user interface module for receiving a selection of a performance level for at least one of the one or more components; a management module for securely setting the performance level of the at least one of the one or more components; and a metering module for monitoring and reporting operation of the at least one of the one or more components.

17. The computer-readable medium of claim 16, further comprising a balance module for deducting value from a local stored value account corresponding to a usage report from the metering module.

18. The computer-readable medium of claim 16, further comprising a balance module for reporting a usage value to a remote reconciliation service, the usage value corresponding to a usage report from the metering module.

19. The computer-readable medium of claim 16, wherein the storage module polls the one or more components to determine the range of performance levels.

20. The computer-readable medium of claim 16, wherein the storage module receives a message with the range of performance levels from a remote management service.

This sounds like a neo-communist system to me, maybe I should patent breathing? (Wait, I think that is called TAX?) On the flip side, reading through the whole patent, they keep on referring to secure memory, secure partitions, etc, M$ doesn’t have a very good track record with regards to security even though they deny it and even if they manage to secure it properly, how long will it last? XP was cracked within hours after being released. Vista claiming to be uncrackable was cracked even before it was officially released, not even speaking about the older versions of Windows and their bad track record of being plagued by nasty infections.

The US Patent Office rejected their patent saying it was too fuzzy and that the patent included technology that was already patented.

Not that it really affects me, I was actually hoping they’d get it, that would surely drive hordes of people away from Microsoft products which means more people migrating to Linux which in the long-term means bigger investments going into the open-source community.

Tags: Linux, Microsoft, MS, Open, Patent, PC, Source, Vista, XP
Posted in News, Techno Blabble | 3 Comments »

Geeky Quotes

Saturday, February 16th, 2008

I’ve compiled a list of interesting geeky quotes, enjoy!

[00] It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!

[01] The less command was doubtlessly inspired by the more command; less works more or less like more, but it has more features, which in this case disproves that less is more.

[02] The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.

[03] Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.

[04] The more I C, the less I see.

[05] COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.

[06] Unix is user-friendly. It’s just very selective about who its friends are.

[07] Windows is like bullies, the bigger they are; the harder they hit you.

[08] Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

[09] Microsoft is not the answer, it’s the question and the answer is NO!

[0A] Microsoft: You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.

[0B] Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code.

[0C] Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn’t leave something that can be traced back to you.

[0D] The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones.

[0E] Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.

[0F] The term reboot comes from the middle age (before computers). Horses who stopped in mid-stride required a boot to the rear to start again. Thus the term to rear-boot, later abbreviated into reboot.

[10] There are 10 types of people in the world: “Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.”

[11] If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.

[12] Linus Torvalds: Real men don’t use backups; they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.

[13] I owe the government $3,400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.

[14] The box said ‘Required Windows 95 or better’. So, I installed LINUX.

[15] Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows.

[16] Better to be a geek than an idiot.

[17] I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

[18] 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

[19] The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s².

[1A] I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly.

[1B] My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

[1C] It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.

[1D] I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: ‘Outlook not so good’. I said: ‘Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway’.

[1E] The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.

[1F] If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough.

[20] If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise.

[21] One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

[22] If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0

[23] The most important ways in which I think the Internet will affect the big issue is that it will make it more difficult for government to collect taxes.

[24] On my income tax 1040 it says ‘Check this box if you are blind.’ I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

[25] Because you’re a computer scientists, you have no need to go to the college bar.

[26] My pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard, and they’re like you wanna trade cards? Darn right, I wanna trade cards, I’ll trade this but not my charizard.

[27] The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.

[28] Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you.

[29] In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

[2A] Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk.

[2B] Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…

[2C] Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly.

[2D] UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

[2E] Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.

[2F] You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.

[30] Alcohol & calculus don’t mix. Never drink & derive.

[31] How do I set a laser printer to stun?

[32] Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button.

[33] It’s not bogus, it’s an IBM standard.

[34] Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers.

[35] The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers.

[36] COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key

[37] LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses

[38] We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

[39] Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted!

[3A] If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL

[3B] Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner!

[3C] Best file compression around: “rm *.*” = 100% compression

[3D] Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is “c:\> hack into fbi”

[3E] BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding

[3F] The name is Baud……James Baud

[40] Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!”

[41] All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

[42] Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

[43] Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources.

[44] Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONIKA.SYS

[45] A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)

[46] Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

[47] Bell Labs Unix — Reach out and grep someone.

[48] FUBAR – where Geeks go for a drink

[49] I degaussed my girlfriend and I’m just not attracted to her anymore.

[4A] Black holes are where God divided by zero.

[4B] Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost :-)

[4C] Here’s my IP address: ‘127.0.0.1′, please hack me :-D

[4D] If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I’d antialias my graphics!

[4E] Real programmers can write assembly code in any language!

[4F] All computers run at the same speed… with the power off.

[50] Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.

[51] Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel

[52] Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet

[53] You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes.

[54] I’m sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you!

[55] If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don’t understand the question.

[56] Having soundcards is nice… having embedded sound in web pages is not.

[57] As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.

[58] A typical yahoo chat room: “A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out..”

[59] When someone says “I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done,” give him a lollipop.

[5A] Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.

[5B] How’s my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL

[5C] Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls – my PC speaker crashed NT!!!

[5D] root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is ‘a_49qwXk’

[5E] New linux package released. Please install on /dev/null

[5F] Unix…best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038

[60] Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft…and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor!

[61] I’m tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week?

[62] It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions.

[63] If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery.

[64] Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle.

[65] I had a dream… and there were 1’s and 0’s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!

[66] You sir, are an unknown USB device driver!

[67] C isn’t that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void :-)

[68] People say that if you play Microsoft CD’s backwards, you hear satanic things, but that’s nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.

[69] Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

[6A] Use The Best…
Linux for Servers
Mac for Graphics
Palm for Mobility
Windows for Solitaire

[6B] That’s a PEBKAC problem. (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)

[6C] Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free.

[6D] A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.

[6E] I see fragged people.

[6F] Someone once said a million monkeys using a million keyboards could reproduce the complete works of William Shakespeare.

Thanks to MySpace, we now know that to be entirely false.

[70] Geeks = Know more about computers than their computer teacher, so everyone comes to them for computer problems.
Nerds = Have no life and only worries about school, no one talks to them.
Jocks = Know a lot about sports but not much else.
Geek’s Wife: Completely depend on the geek for tech support. Tend to be pretty good looking.
Nerd’s Wife: nonexistent
Jock’s Wife: only there for money, most likely having an affair with another jock

[71] SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0

[72] One of the most frightening things about your true nerd, for many people, is not that he’s socially inept – because everybody’s been there – but rather his complete lack of embarrassment about it.

[73] Insanity is repeating the same mistakes over and over again expecting different results.
windows fatal error 1001 file not found
windows fatal error 1001 file not found
windows fatal error 1001 file not found
windows fatal error 1001 file not found
windows fatal error 1001 file not found

[74] Photons have neither morals or visas.

[75] Real programmers don’t document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

[76] My computer beat me at chess, but I beat it at kickboxing.

[77] Geniuses do not think more than other people. They think less.

[78] Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

[79] Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.

[7A] Grabel’s Law: 2 is not equal to 3—not even for very large values of 2.

[7B] To err is human, to arr is pirate, stupidity is not a disability, find somewhere else to park!

[7C] A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

[7D] You are NOT what you eat… you are what you don’t poop.

[7E] Old programming adage: “Good programmers write good code; great programmers steal great code.”

[7F]

10 HOME
20 SWEET
30 GOTO 10

Tags: Bill, Caffeine, Gates, Geek, Google, less, Linux, Mac, Mario, Microsoft, more, Pokemon, Python, Quotes, Unix, Windows
Posted in Techno Blabble | 6 Comments »

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Posts Tagged ‘Microsoft’

Dear Microsoft …

Kill Internet Explorer 6 once and for all!

ATTENTION: MyCee no longer supports old versions of Internet Explorer. Please upgrade your browser or switch to something better, like Firefox, Opera or Chrome.

Microsoft Pay-Per-Use Patent

Geeky Quotes

ATTENTION: MyCee no longer supports old versions of Internet Explorer.
Please upgrade your browser or switch to something better, like Firefox, Opera or Chrome.