It’s amazing, every second person following me on twitter is a Guru … “Hello, my name is xxx and I’m a guru at internet marketing” or “Are you in need of more woman? Subscribe to my newsletter and get some tonight”
Or how about some real life examples, here are the Twitter Biographies of a bunch of so-called Gurus:
Everyone claiming to be a Guru is trying to sell you something you don’t need, especially all these hyped up MLM schemes which is nothing other than scams plastered with jargonatic adjectives.
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I’m reading through a marketing e-book which I got for free because I was able to respond and enter my email address before the respond-before timer ran out … actually it ran out and then started counting all over again telling me the free offer has been extended due to popular demand. And guess what, the e-book used to cost $1997 and I’m getting it for free, apparently I should be grateful for not having to pay $1997 for it. Just scanning through the index, I’m being bombarded with hyped up jargon …
Wait, just received an email from another one of these Guru marketers badmouthing the hype around the book I’ve just downloaded for free …
I’m a little frustrated with all the crap that’s going on.
There are SO many “miracle” product launches
happening, and people are shelling their hard earned
cash on every single one of them.Today it was xxx – everybody
seems to be promoting it.I’m not.
Not to say it isn’t a good deal or it won’t help some
people, but here’s the deal…I’ve discovered a few factors that are consistent
among successful internet marketers, but one that
REALLY stands out is…
Where was I before I got distracted by another Guru that knows it all … oh, the index page of the book … the page where I downloaded it said something about the niche jargon being a little bit outdated and it’s being adjusted to reflect the jargon of WEB 2.0 (another overhyped keyword, I bet these marketers doesn’t even know what powers WEB 2.0 applications). Back to the book … the index reads like a typical marketing handbook, all fluffetyfoo and full of power punching poo that will make your product the niche that everyone else wants to do (while 5 million other people are trying the same thing after downloading the free ebook with the magic formula of how to make it online). Before I get distracted again, Viral Marketing, Marketing Funnel (another word for MLM where the people at the top of the pyramid just milks their participants for a lot more money), Dumb Down the Site, Powerful Admin Sections, Split Pay for Affiliate Programs, Pop-unders (It’s like a popup, only more annoying as it pops up behind your browser), OTO (The acronym for The One Time Offer Phenomenon), List Building, Lead Generation, Social Media (which is a buzzword for giving a company an online presence through whatever floats their boat), etc …
Online marketers are the new spammers of the internet, they aren’t good at anything, except for inflating their status by deflating the status of other marketers.
When You Aren't Any Good At Your Job, You Can Always Just Turn In Your Competitors.
All these internet marketers have blogs, if you set your “looking for” status on Facebook to Networking, you’ll be swarmed with internet marketers trying to promote their blog which in the end might as well have been a Huffman keyword algorithm generating random hyped up buzzwords which holds very little value seeing as the “Secret To …” is always on another page for which you have to click a trackable link to an affiliate’s page.
Those Who Have Nothing Important To Say Often Speak The Most.
Forums dedicated to emarketing are just as bad, especially if the forum was created by a Guru who wants to sell a niche and have millions of users who worship him …
Multiply An Enormous Number By Zero And You're Still Going To End Up With Zero.
“Social Media” became a buzzword amongst some of the Gurus while the real experts will throw you with a brick if you just mention the phrase. If I were to meet up with a group of marketers and you start throwing me with the “Social Media” jargon, expect to be thrown with a brick and drowned under concrete, the world wants practical solutions, not hyped up rubbish. Giving a brand an online presence is fine, but it shouldn’t be the be-all of your marketing campaign.
Maybe Your Peers Don't Make The Best Judges, Better Make Some Sock Puppets.
SEO Gurus, the internet is so full of people claiming that they are the best at cheating search engine results, it’s like calling yourself an expert at pushing yourself into the front of a row and getting payed to do so.
Let's Face It, If We Were Really That Smart, We Would Have Been Buying Generic Domain Names.
Most of them claim to be White Hat SEO gurus, in other words, they ask politely before they push themselves in front of the row, they follow all the so-called rules and regulations that were made up by search engine companies and they are generally too afraid to play outside the barbwire electric fence on top of the 10 foot thick concrete wall.
Just Because You Follow The Rules Doesn't Mean You Can't Rank For Competitive Terms. Oh Wait, Yes It Does.
Some of these White Hat SEO Gurus will tell you they specialize in link building. From what I’ve read in several sources, Google will actually penalize your page rank if you link to an outside source and not use the “nofollow” flag (unless the link is relevant, not sure how Google’s new double standards are working); thus link spammers will have their own site’s page rank dropped to zero pretty quickly diminishing the impact they have on the other site’s page rank.
Look At Me Mom! Hey! Are You Looking? Over Here! Watch! Are You Watching? Please!
Black Hat SEO Gurus will always have a dark secret that nobody must know about, yet they want to sell you this secret on how to get an “unfair” advantage in the market. Some of the techniques include link building wherin the Guru does a link / banner exchange with random webmasters and then simply use the robots.txt / .htaccess to block all spiders from accessing the links or toggling the “nofollow” flag based on the user’s IP address so that spiders see “nofollow” and users doesn’t see it (which effectively leads to having only links pointing to your site and nothing pointing back to the other site according to the web crawler’s point of view).
The biggest “niche” is to scrape the web for content around a certain niche and simply steal that content for their own automated / generated blogs while stacking those fake blogs with a crapload of ads. This is especially true for Gurus trying to make money of the highest paying keywords (where the competition is tough, for $70+ a click on a Google AdSense ad, I can understand why being the absolute number one and getting the highest cut out of click-pie is so important). Get caught using Black Hat SEO techniques and your site might get blacklisted or severely penalized … but that’s ok, these Black Hatters have plenty of sites they can use to conduct their mischief and overpower the search engine algorithms.
Cloaking Scraped Content Written By A Markov Generator Is Just Another Way Of Enhancing The User Experience.
Calling yourself a Guru is a dangerous thing, you better be able to live up to those incredible high standards if you want to go around calling yourself a Guru.
Any other annoying “Gurus” that you can think of?
